Yank tug, your cerebral cortex is missing

Does anyone remember those people who would put their kids in those shoulder harnesses that were more or less a leash to keep your brat from getting any farther than a slapping hand away? Well unfortunately these people were shunned and looked down upon because it was seen by others as being distasteful to tote your spawn around like an unruly border collie. I too must admit that at first glance I was a little disturbed and was wondering who other than some toddler prodding priest could have come up with such an invention. So after a very short time and some intense peer scrutiny and pressure, this phenomenon was short lived and people stopped using this method of offspring control. Anyhow, some time has passed since I have seen the child leash in action and I have had some time to regurgitate my opinion on this. Though some people have evolved and made great contributions to society and I can still talk to a select number of people and not have my brain melt out of my ear. I have to say that the majority of human interaction I take part in makes me want to create a tsunami machine and wipe these babbling idiots off of the planet so we can start fresh. You know, make some kind of Noah’s ark that we can load all of the non-droolers onto and then just wash away the fashinista garbage consuming sorority cunts and their counterpart douche nozzle boyfriends who’s biggest decision of the day is whether he should cover his soulless vessel with a shirt that says “Sigma Phi Epsilon” or the one that says “tap out”. My point, people are getting dumber and those dumb people are fucking each other and having even dumber kids. What do these people do to ensure their children don’t grow up to be as worthless as they are? They tell them to get in the back of their Yukon, shove a PSP into their hands, turn on the head rest TV and tell them to shut up. What you might ask is the parent putting in their S.U.V.’s portable DVD player? Could it be National Geographic or maybe the latest installment of Nova? NO! This would lead to stimulation where something might trigger in their child’s head and then the little monkey might want to ask questions. Questions = talking, talking = parent having to pay attention. This is a nuisance to the parent because they don’t know how to answer questions about anything they didn’t hear on the E channel and it might interrupt their cell phone conversation. So instead they can just pop in the first thing that effectively starts the saliva pouring out of their kids mouth…the new Jonas Brothers DVD or maybe an insight filled episode of Hannah Montana. How does this affect me directly you ask? Well here it is. When you reach your destination which is the walking mall, where you justify your sick obsession with buying over priced crap by saying to yourself “ I am getting my little devil spawn out of its T.V. induced coma and getting it some fresh air.” But once you get there your kid becomes the last thing on your tiny mind because you are too distracted by all of the pretty colors in the store front windows. What happens now? Well now your disgusting overweight podling that functions on corn dogs and ten desserts a day is running around all hopped up like a hooker on PCP (because it hasn’t seen the outside world for a week) starts flailing its fat arms around, running in circles, making buzzing noises and screaming “LOOK MOM I’M A PLANE!” At this point your little devoid of thought definition of entropy slams into me full force and starts laughing and in return you give me that look that says “awe isn’t my little sunshine biscuit soooo cute?” NO! Your snot nosed space waster is not cute, I am trying to get to the bar and I don’t appreciate it using itself as an obstacle course to slow me down from getting my fucking whiskey! Please put that thing on a leash or kill it! That’s all.

-Demonimania