The bloom is off the rose

It’s your lucky night, my friend will fuck just about anyone who is willing and as fate would have it you were fortunate enough to run into him tonight. Congratulations! Now that we have that out of the way and I will be forced to spend a large portion of my evening trying to be polite to you so that my friend can further desecrate your gaping septic tank of a vag, please help me out and make this a little less painful. First off, I will not be addressing you by your name because when you introduced yourself to me all I heard was “Hello, my name is town hole bar tramp”. Secondly, you can go ahead and drop the whole nice girl act because my friend is going to fuck you weather I approve or not. If my opinion mattered at all in this affair, I would tell him not to waste the condom but he doesn’t care so you can stop trying to win me over. My conversations with you will consist of “Uh huh”, “yep” and “neat”. So it’s probably in your best interest to just save your breath. I will however ask you one question. Just how old are you? You may or may not be fooling my friend but I have to applaud you on your shabby attempt to play the part of an illusionist. Well done, you’re probably pushing forty but you’re dressed like a twenty something and the Bettie Page hair cut is fairly distracting. Your make up is so thick that you must have to use turpentine to get it off before you lay yourself down to sleep in your filthy fuck station. Sorry Hun, this is only highlighting your face odometer and I'm reading high mileage. Despite all of your cunning efforts to trick me, I can still tell just by glancing at your face that you have had more dicks in you than a Herman Melville novel. The sad and hilarious thing is that you think you’ve still got it. Last call comes around, a charming young man (in this case my friend) is suddenly talking to you and you are brimming with pride and excitement because you feel all pretty and special and you’re saying to yourself “well he’s pretty cute and young so he must think I’m cute and young too!” Sorry Doll, not the case, you just happen to glow desperateness and you are still conscious at last call. My friend is a little drunk and bored and you might as well be toting around a neon sign that says “Fuck me, I fuck”. So anyway, it was great meeting you but let’s just forget the small talk and flattery because I am pretty positive I’ll never see you again. I am also pretty certain that when your alarm clock goes off and it’s time to get to the early shift at Family Dollar, you will open your mascara crusted eyes to meet the emptiness of your bedroom and realize that you will never see my friend again either. Well I guess it's back to starving yourself and popping prozac.