I Can Be Anything I Want To Be

I got an email from a former boss of mine the other day.

He wanted to congratulate me on my new role at my current job. He also wanted to mention how he once told me I "could do whatever I wanted" in my career, in a justification of his support of me.

I have a couple issues with this.

1.) Throughout most of our professional relationship, I had no respect for the guy. This is because he can't make a decision and drags other people into his chaos while also managing to string them along with empty promises. The point at which he gave me his incredible advice was long after I had learned this about him.

2.) I, being who I am, am not really capable of much:

a.) I've worked jobs in sales, both on the phone and in person. It was physically draining and I was too honest with myself and respectful of others to try to manipulate people into buying something from me.

b.) Support roles were fitting up to a point, then monotonous. I did learn I could help people and get loose cannons to focus. Often by being louder than them. But it wasn't that I was particularly good at support, just that I knew how to ask questions, use Google, and point people in the right direction so they could help themselves.

c.) As a manager, I suck. When people start asking too many questions and can't do their jobs without lots of direction I just want to show them the door and bring in someone who can sit down, shut up, and do their job. Effectively making my job easier so I can focus on the bigger questions we have. Even when I setup reminders to give Jon and Jason an attaboy, I got annoyed with my computer constantly interrupting me.

d.) I can't multi-task. I've read a few books on how the brain works and multi-tasking makes people dumb. And I'm no good at it. I get frustrated with the constant topic shifting and it puts me in a bad mood.

e.) I could lie in bed or ditch work to spend all day, with my wife (and now the kids), and not think once about work. Given the opportunity, I do. I'm convinced if my former boss had his priorities straight he wouldn't have been going through a mid-life crisis. Again.

f.) A job is a job is a job. Just give me my paycheck and stop trying to persuade me to help build a corporate culture. Successful small businesses are focused on revenue and service, cost-cutting, and are otherwise boring to everyone else. I am not a Disney cartoonist. Just tell me what you need, I'll tell you the facts, then I can go home and worry about whether my job is worth the risk. Maybe if we had focused on our actual jobs instead of corporate culture, payroll could have cut us some decent sized checks and made everyone happy - successfully implementing a positive culture.


So I have to say it: I can't "do anything I want." Hindsight being 20/20, putting myself first set me back 5 years - a good chunk which was spent around some of the worst advice and empty "you can do it" statements I have experienced so far. Shame, guilt, and failure are natural and motivating. Feeling good about my role in the corporate environment sure as shit didn't feed the kids and send them to school. Nor did it justify the flailing about trying to pawn off work and blame to each other in a pathetic attempt to rid ourselves of the "negative feelings."

Nope, I'll take failure, shame, guilt, and a good old lesson learned over a fake pat on the back any day, and bask in a sense of pride & worth while doing it.