Coprophagia

Dear Dr. Laura - Eat my shit, seriously, eat it! The only reason you’re not a giant whore like the rest of the world is because you are hideous. It’s not hard to live a life of “values” and “morals” when you are a repulsive wretch who probably can’t even bring itself to rub one out because even you don’t want to have to clean the cob webs out of your decrepit antique gash. It would be like a 4 year old receiving praise for not being a meth head…it’s just not that hard. So pucker up and gulp down my Guinness squirts like a nice refreshing glass of Ovaltine.

Why we’re at it,

Jerry Falwell - Rest In Piss.

Rush Limbaugh – What better way to wash down pharmaceuticals than with a tall glass of my shit?

Benny Hinn, Bob Larson, Oral Roberts and Celine Dion…Eat my shit.

Ted Haggard - Don’t bother eating my shit because you might enjoy it. Go ahead and stick to meth, prostitutes and dying.

Dear middle aged Naropa idiot - Take that fucking bindi off of your forehead. You are not enlightened and you have not opened your “third eye”. Just because you dropped a lot of acid back in your Grateful Dead days and or at Burning Man, DOES NOT mean you have any extra insight, you just took drugs and your visions of another plain of existence were generated by a chemical so go fuck yourself. Eat my shit.

Dear middle aged Naropa idiot parent - Isn’t it bad enough that you are a moron? Don’t drag your kid into this too by making it walk around in Tie-Dye clothing and convincing it that it enjoys the same brainless nonsense you do. Also, not letting your child watch so called “violent” television shows such as G.I. Joe or Power Rangers and or banning toy guns from your house is only going to ensure that your kid is going to be a giant twat with no concept of reality. One generation of dildos was enough so don’t make me go on a killing spree. Suck my diarrhea.

Dear plastic playground set inventor – You may also go fuck yourself for making children a bunch of pussies. Eat my shit.

Dear waste of oxygen – I still don’t like Basketball so stop talking about it. Eat my shit.

Torry Spelling and Sarah Jessica Parker – You’re unsightly and dreadfully unattractive so quit pretending you’re not. Yes, you too can feast on my shit.

Dinner is served bitch's!