Little things about working in a restaurant.
1. Telling people very politely that the restrooms are located behind the giant glowing sign that says “RESTROOMS” while pointing at the sign as they try to walk into the kitchen.
2. The couple that have been the only customers in the restaurant for the last hour and a half enjoying their shared glass of house cabernet at 12:30 AM asks what time we close. I inform them, while thanking them profusely for their business, that we close at 10 PM.
3. Pouring water from the bottle sitting on the table into the glass sitting in front of them for a guest that asks me to bring them a glass of water.
4. Obscene food allergies. You’re not allergic to salt, gluten and dairy. You don’t have a corn intolerance, it comes out in everyone’s shit. You are just another rock climber that needs an excuse to be anorexic.
5. We open in 15 minutes. Seriously, 15 minutes. No you cannot come in. Fucking deal with it.
6. A group of bitches. Ignore me while I’m trying to take your order. Try and get my attention to order while I’m talking to another table. Take 20 minutes to do different modifications on our happy hour margarita. Ask what the special is after I just recited it to your table then not order food. Sit for 2 hours sipping your one damn modified happy hour margarita then tip 12%.
7. Ordering water with lemon then not touching it.
8. Paying with change.
9. Splitting a 25$ tab 4 ways.
10. Requesting a taste of every wine we pour by the glass then ordering the cheapest one on the menu.
11. Obscenely waiving down the server or bartender, often accompanied with ooh ooh ooh… (pause, turn to your friends)… do you guys know what you want? Still having no idea what YOU want to order .
12. Ordering a STRONG Jack and Coke. I’m pouring the same damn drink or you’re paying for a double.
13. Telling the bartender, “You take care of me, I’ll take care of you.” (so 14% instead of 10.)
14. We don’t carry Bud Light just to offend you. Quit being so dramatic and get a fucking cocktail.
15. Just because you ate at a restaurant once doesn’t mean you know enough to post your bad experience on yelp when you have successfully pulled off #1-14 on this list.
1 comment:
Jeezus. Look up celiac disease and tell me you'd go on a gluten-free diet just for shits and giggles. Now, shut the fuck up, let me order what I want, be happy you have a job in this clusterfuck we call an economy, and bring me my potato vodka and seltzer.
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