You can't make this shit up

My wife took our daughter out east for a week to spend some time with family, leaving me here at home with our 2 year old who would like nothing better to do than to watch the same episode of Dora over and over again. And he'll let you know that's what he'd rather be doing. I even took the little shit to the bookstore today and he found the one book based on the particular Dora episode in question.

Anyways, my family likes to get some sort of an update from me on a daily basis and since I don't really enjoy talking to people Facebook has become a convenient way to say what I want and ignore the blathering mind-numbing comments, criticisms, and whatever passive-aggressive vitriol comes my way.

So I put on the Dora DVD while making dinner and tidying up, then I post this:

"MyRealName dropped off the laundry and the stew is on. The boy is eating and winding down. The dishwasher, washer, and dryer are all running. Pool is clean. Now what?"

Shortly thereafter, I get a few comments that I'll summarize:

1.) "Nice work, have a glass of wine." - Brother-in-law.
2.) "Good job! Pat yourself on the back." - Spouse
3.) "Way to multitask! You can do all those other things while being on the computer communicating with us!" - Sister

It's not like I really need the encouragement. I'm happy enough just getting the little fucker to bed on a daily basis without him losing a limb.

But now I'm thinking they are all in cahoots with each other, trying to tell me I'm inadequate in bed and need to get drunk and touch myself in front of the computer.

And I'm the sick one.