4 hours, 10 days. Whatever.

Much more complicated than I was planning on. Of course I get involved in things I have no business being in. It's always funny in the beginning. They I realize there is no way I possess the faculties to get through this when it eventually ends poorly. I'm stuck in that place where I want to change my phone number and evaporate from my friends forever. It's not a nihilistic mentality, well maybe it is. Things would be much easier if I just didn't care about anyone. There is no way I can keep these friendships. My ego has written checks my body can't cash (while since a Top Gun reference, huh?). I seem to do better when I'm broken and lonely. It is the driving force of my adult life. They say that the best music is born of pain. I unfortunately spent enough time in bands to realize that anything worthwhile in my life will be born out of my heartbreak. I feel like I'm on the verge of another monumental fuck-up that will drive me to work harder and push further. What scares me is that eventually I'll hit the wall and a small defeat will utterly destroy me. That should be interesting.