4 hours, 10 days. Whatever.

Much more complicated than I was planning on. Of course I get involved in things I have no business being in. It's always funny in the beginning. They I realize there is no way I possess the faculties to get through this when it eventually ends poorly. I'm stuck in that place where I want to change my phone number and evaporate from my friends forever. It's not a nihilistic mentality, well maybe it is. Things would be much easier if I just didn't care about anyone. There is no way I can keep these friendships. My ego has written checks my body can't cash (while since a Top Gun reference, huh?). I seem to do better when I'm broken and lonely. It is the driving force of my adult life. They say that the best music is born of pain. I unfortunately spent enough time in bands to realize that anything worthwhile in my life will be born out of my heartbreak. I feel like I'm on the verge of another monumental fuck-up that will drive me to work harder and push further. What scares me is that eventually I'll hit the wall and a small defeat will utterly destroy me. That should be interesting.

Blacq and Whyte

I'm in a great mood at the moment. I promise however that in T-minus 4.5 hours I will be back on this blog writing about how angry I am and how much my life pisses me off. Good things to come...

I hate my cell phone.

Up one day, down the next. Modern life is hell.

Really?! Okay...

So I'm in way over my head. I'm kind of enjoying this.

Venom

I really feel like writing at the moment. However, usually when I feel like I do, I spit a bunch of venom about everything I'm doing and everyone I know. I'm not gonna do it tonight. Infer what you want about the way I feel. I'm drinking Canadian Club (haven't done it in years) and being pissed. Okay. Now I am gonna spew a bit. I'm still the same spineless pussy I was in high school. Fucking great. I'll be thirty and alone before I know it. How much is chemical castration?

10 years and counting...

Pretty sobering. It's ten years later and I'm listening to the same songs that made me depressed (or listened to when I was depressed) way back then. It's funny how things go full cycle. I'm so much older and I don't feel like I've learned a thing about myself. If I could go back to being 17 I'm pretty sure I would make the same mistakes over again. Haunted by the same memories and the same people. This should be an interesting night. By the way, I love The Cure. Where the fuck is Dane? No one gets that but me, Walker, and Pat. I don't feel like discussing that with them. It's a good thing they don't read this.

I'm feeling a radical shift in my life coming on. To the point of dissappearance. [I'm not gonna bother spell-checking this] There have been a few times in my life where this feeling has overtaken me. I'm not going to lie; hasn't worked out well for my friends at the time. I'm still alive and kicking. I guess it must have worked out okay for me. I still exist in some circles.

I-Tunes may be the worst thing in the world when you feel the need to listen to those songs you purposely don't own. My life could be described by the music I'm listening to at the time. The Cure+Death Metal+things that used to make me cry= Jack's total sence of apathy and remorese. I know weird combination. Don't look, don't look the shadows bring...

Bedtime for Bonzo

first time in over a year I got an unassited 8+ hours of sleep. glorious. i'm going back to bed.