Sorry.

I'm actually gonna post an email that was forwarded to me a while ago. I did some research, being the dork I am, and found out that these are real. I think you'll enjoy it. If you only read one, read the last one.

> These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
>
> It's worth reading and they saved the best for last!
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
> _______________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
> WITNESS: July 18th.
> ATTORNEY: What year?
> WITNESS: Every year.
> _____________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> _____________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at
> all?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> WITNESS: I forget.
> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
> forgot?
> _____________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
> WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
> ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
> WITNESS: Forty-five years.
> _____________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
> morning?
> WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
> WITNESS: My name is Susan.
> ______________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
> voodoo?
> WITNESS: We both do.
> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
> WITNESS: We do.
> ATTORNEY: You do?
> WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
> ______________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
> sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> ____________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
> WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
> ________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
> ______________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
> WITNESS: Uh....
> ______________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> WITNESS: None.
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> ______________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
> WITNESS: By death.
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
> _____________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> ______________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
> deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> _____________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
> dead people?
> WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
> ______________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you
> go to?
> WITNESS: Oral.
> ______________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
> doing an autopsy on him!
> ____________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> WITNESS: Huh?
> ____________________________________________
>
> And here's the best saved for last.........
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
> for a pulse?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.

What am I gonna do about it?

I'll tell you what I'm going to do: I'm going to lie to people. I will use my youthful features to tell people I'm twenty-three until I'm well into my thirties. Then I plan to be twenty-nine for about seven years.

Suck it Trebek.

Adulthood

It's one of those 'coming of age' moments. I don't have to work today, yet I'm wide awake at 6:48 a.m. I'm thinking about having the day off in terms of what I can get done and not how late I can sleep. I was surprised when I realized that. Then I remembered I'm staring down the barrel of 30. I think I will go back to sleep.

Fearinicity

Things are well. I've never been more scared in all my life. An impending disaster looms on the horizon. May need to run this one out.

Sometimes other people say it better. Comments not welcome.

Sensory Deprivation Adventure - From Autumn To Ashes

On your honor let me explain my behavior
On your honor I swear I was trying to savor
Who's the liar, Who's the killer?
You know I was doing a favor
When I fell upon her by way of a merciful murder

With every warning you wonder
Don't have to tell the truth
Just keep remaining mute
And I'll still think for my owner
Yes I know what I've done, and what I'm going to do

No weakness, no weak miss
Don't buckle under the pressure
A servant, a serf saint
For all those who suffer
Were caught in a current
Of confusion
But what's been suggested
And what has been proven

With every warning you wonder
Don't have to tell the truth
Just keep remaining mute
And I'll still think for my owner
Yes I know what I've done, and what I'm going to do

I am only what you made me
Now I am a reflection of your wealth
And if you think, you think you hate me now
You only hate yourself.

With every warning you wonder
Don't have to tell the truth
Just keep remaining mute
And I'll still think for my owner
Yes I know what I've done, and what I'm going to do

update of an old favorite... Autumn Shadows

Autumn Shadows

On broken wings and tired feet
Jealous hearts and lack of sleep
I am waiting for the other shoe to drop
A mind that’s always racing
Monologues that never stop
So many disorders I think I’ve lost count

In the shadows of October
But the months always change
I’ve spent my whole life searching
But I never found a thing
In the absence of autumn leaves
I forgot I was looking

I know, I know this won’t make sense
A broken promise about not mounting defense
I can only try so hard to find the words to say
How so quickly you mean everything
How so fast with you I lost control
Living my days in between shadows

Form across the room I sit in envy
Of your thoughts, your love, your touch, your kiss
Are you thinking of me?
Maybe I’d hate to know what you think of me