So I says to my kid, I says "Boose? WTF is Boose? Oh...juice. That's fine. Just have some and go away. No. Don't ask me 'why.' You don't want to know. What do you mean 'what? ' Take your juice and go play. Or do a puzzle. Just leave us alone. 'Why?' Cuz I'm trying to stick my dick in your mom's orifice. 'Why?' Cuz that's what I do, and a pretty messed up question considering that's how you came to be. 'Huh?' Yea. Orifice, and I'm not being particular about which one. I really don't care. Fist bump? 'Why?' Cuz I said so. Don't insult your father. I'm in my game."
Kids are so dumb. And so are we.
You know what you know, and I know what I know.
We know what we know.
But we don't know shit.
Of all the things I know and try to learn more about, the more I realize I'm only interested in knowing more about what I know. And it's a real struggle to learn what I don't know. But once I do know, I can learn what I know over and over again, and maybe learn something I didn't know about what I know. Either way, I know only what I know.
And so I know that if you don't spend a lot of time knowing about politics, religion, sex, drugs, business, purpose, and in general the way life works - the more I know you should shut the fuck up, and go fuck yourself.
Cuz the funny thing about humans, is we only know what we know.
So if you don't know, say so. Cuz you don't know.
And leave the knowing about shit you know nothing about to those of us that know enough to give a shit about knowing the things that take more than 10 minutes for you to think about. Cuz we learned how to know. And you didn't.
We both know that.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Love making with a flame thrower 101
Sorry I have been absent from posting lately, I have been extremely busy. Not to worry though, because my hatred has been brimming and seeping from every pore. When it gets this bad and there is an endless supply of dark disgust and fury pumping through my blood stream it becomes very difficult to focus all of this energy onto one subject matter. Where do I start? Well I guess I’ll give it a shot, please forgive me if I jump around a bit.
Dear overly optimistic Dill Rod - Yes you, the guy that nothing can bother. You go to church, you can always “look on the bright side” and “everything happens for a reason”. Well guess what you fucking shit eater? Your sanguine attitude when I am having an especially terrible day is making me want to show you just how mysterious the lord’s work is when I shove a crucifix right up your happy ass! FUCK OFF!
Dear Spawn Factories – Please! For the love of god stop shitting out children! It would be one thing if I thought that these nauseating podlings were going to contribute to society at all. Let’s face it though, I haven’t exactly been running into people that come off as modern day Aleister Crowley’s, Marquis De Sade’s or even a Friedrich Nietzsche’s. No, instead I get some drool bag who probably thinks Applebee’s has great food and can’t wait for the next NASCAR race and probably says things like “Holy crap did you see Jay Leno last night? That guy is fucking hilarious!” This world is going to be more fucked than it already is! Seriously! What do we do to curb this sort of activity? Tax breaks and time off of work. FUCK OFF!
Dear person and or thing that caused La Familia Mexican Restaurant to close down, if I find out who or what you are…I am going to end you! I hate you with all of my black heart and I hope a donkey falls out of the sky and lands on you cock first! FUCK OFF!
A few other quick things that are currently dragging their fingernails down my chalk board.
That retarded stoner comedian Jim Bruer or whatever the fuck he’s called making pizza commercials. The guy or girl who keeps pushing back the release date of the new Slayer album. Gossip with no validity, Men, Women, television, radio, things I can’t afford, Rush (the breathing, talking pile of foreskin) Limbaugh trying to buy a football team, Al Sharpton & Jesse Jackson trying to stop Rush Limbaugh from buying a football team, people who try to analyze me on their own & or ask other people about me rather than just asking me, the moron who sat behind me at Zombie Land, losing lottery numbers, hearing “hey Brother”, food poisoning, the nightmare I had last night…my right nut grew to be the size of a watermelon and when it burst assorted vegetables came falling out of my body and I’m not fucking making that up!, pastel colors, my right to assemble being trampled on by stupid permits, city codes and noise ordinances, while we’re at it…environmental police too! All of this stuff can go fuck itself!
“If you are happy and everything is going great, get ready because something shitty is about to happen.” – Ancient Greek philosophy
XOXO Fuckers
Dear overly optimistic Dill Rod - Yes you, the guy that nothing can bother. You go to church, you can always “look on the bright side” and “everything happens for a reason”. Well guess what you fucking shit eater? Your sanguine attitude when I am having an especially terrible day is making me want to show you just how mysterious the lord’s work is when I shove a crucifix right up your happy ass! FUCK OFF!
Dear Spawn Factories – Please! For the love of god stop shitting out children! It would be one thing if I thought that these nauseating podlings were going to contribute to society at all. Let’s face it though, I haven’t exactly been running into people that come off as modern day Aleister Crowley’s, Marquis De Sade’s or even a Friedrich Nietzsche’s. No, instead I get some drool bag who probably thinks Applebee’s has great food and can’t wait for the next NASCAR race and probably says things like “Holy crap did you see Jay Leno last night? That guy is fucking hilarious!” This world is going to be more fucked than it already is! Seriously! What do we do to curb this sort of activity? Tax breaks and time off of work. FUCK OFF!
Dear person and or thing that caused La Familia Mexican Restaurant to close down, if I find out who or what you are…I am going to end you! I hate you with all of my black heart and I hope a donkey falls out of the sky and lands on you cock first! FUCK OFF!
A few other quick things that are currently dragging their fingernails down my chalk board.
That retarded stoner comedian Jim Bruer or whatever the fuck he’s called making pizza commercials. The guy or girl who keeps pushing back the release date of the new Slayer album. Gossip with no validity, Men, Women, television, radio, things I can’t afford, Rush (the breathing, talking pile of foreskin) Limbaugh trying to buy a football team, Al Sharpton & Jesse Jackson trying to stop Rush Limbaugh from buying a football team, people who try to analyze me on their own & or ask other people about me rather than just asking me, the moron who sat behind me at Zombie Land, losing lottery numbers, hearing “hey Brother”, food poisoning, the nightmare I had last night…my right nut grew to be the size of a watermelon and when it burst assorted vegetables came falling out of my body and I’m not fucking making that up!, pastel colors, my right to assemble being trampled on by stupid permits, city codes and noise ordinances, while we’re at it…environmental police too! All of this stuff can go fuck itself!
“If you are happy and everything is going great, get ready because something shitty is about to happen.” – Ancient Greek philosophy
XOXO Fuckers
Monday, September 7, 2009
More Bully Pulpit, Please.
I fucked up again. Lesson learned: political arguments placed in comment feeds on Facebook hurt my brain. Of all the construed bad things my kids are going to hear in their lifetime, a little bully pulpit from the president isn't a concern. I wonder what the kids would get out of it? Hopefully I'll remember to ask when some political memo goes out getting people to talk about nonsense when we've got bigger & better things to worry about. Like war, economic instability, religious pedophiles, narcissistic celebrities and teenage mirroring, narcissistic celebrities and lemming mirroring, or ... war.
For the record, here is the transcript of his speech. For the brain stems: you have scroll down before the transcript starts. Reading the page should help guide you to the transcript. A "transcript" is written words of what someone said. In this case, the president. Please go away if I've lost you.
http://www.inewscatcher.com/2009/09/obama-school-speech-transcript-video.html
After looking over the reports & quotes of people that didn't like what the tall, skinny black guy had to say I realized we're either operating out of fear, or not fear.
Fear (from cnn.com):
"Thinking about my kids in school having to listen to that just really upsets me," suburban Colorado mother Shanneen Barron told CNN Denver affiliate KMGH. "I'm an American. They are Americans, and I don't feel that's OK. I feel very scared to be in this country with our leadership right now."
Scared? In fear?
From Google.com:
"As far as I am concerned, this is not civics education — it gives the appearance of creating a cult of personality," said Oklahoma Republican state Sen. Steve Russell. "This is something you'd expect to see in North Korea or in Saddam Hussein's Iraq."
Fearful places, no?
From the Seattle Times:
Neal McCluskey, associate director of the Center for Educational Freedom at the conservative Cato Institute, said the lesson plans accompanying the speech are "troubling." "Reasonable people can disagree" about Obama's policies, he said. "But they don't want their kids to be indoctrinated. This is potentially a tool of indoctrination."
Fear the indoctrination!
The transcript is there. And black guys have huge dicks. If Obama keeps getting to speak, American women are going to want him, and guys that are just like him. Black guys. Then my wife is going to leave me for a black guy ... and then what?!? My little white dick doesn't stand a chance!
For the record, here is the transcript of his speech. For the brain stems: you have scroll down before the transcript starts. Reading the page should help guide you to the transcript. A "transcript" is written words of what someone said. In this case, the president. Please go away if I've lost you.
http://www.inewscatcher.com/2009/09/obama-school-speech-transcript-video.html
After looking over the reports & quotes of people that didn't like what the tall, skinny black guy had to say I realized we're either operating out of fear, or not fear.
Fear (from cnn.com):
"Thinking about my kids in school having to listen to that just really upsets me," suburban Colorado mother Shanneen Barron told CNN Denver affiliate KMGH. "I'm an American. They are Americans, and I don't feel that's OK. I feel very scared to be in this country with our leadership right now."
Scared? In fear?
From Google.com:
"As far as I am concerned, this is not civics education — it gives the appearance of creating a cult of personality," said Oklahoma Republican state Sen. Steve Russell. "This is something you'd expect to see in North Korea or in Saddam Hussein's Iraq."
Fearful places, no?
From the Seattle Times:
Neal McCluskey, associate director of the Center for Educational Freedom at the conservative Cato Institute, said the lesson plans accompanying the speech are "troubling." "Reasonable people can disagree" about Obama's policies, he said. "But they don't want their kids to be indoctrinated. This is potentially a tool of indoctrination."
Fear the indoctrination!
The transcript is there. And black guys have huge dicks. If Obama keeps getting to speak, American women are going to want him, and guys that are just like him. Black guys. Then my wife is going to leave me for a black guy ... and then what?!? My little white dick doesn't stand a chance!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Tender feelings
Sometimes you just can’t win. I was completely capable of driving last night, I am even saying that now in the day light hours so it was not a poor judgment thing…anyway, my friend was pretty sauced up and was convinced that I was not good to drive. This is the point where I got repeatedly bludgeoned with one of those hammers that you use to tenderize meat with until I gave in and turned my car keys over. Well fuck, what’s a man to do at this point? That’s right; he kills the pain with several consecutive shots of whiskey. Now I have a wicked hang over and the sting is twice as bad because several areas of my body are covered with bruises all because I was trying NOT to drink too much. The moral of this story…don’t ever attempt to take it easy and be responsible so that you can drive home. It is a giant waste of time and you are going to wake up feeling twice as shitty anyway so you should never plan on being a pussy for a night. God will hate you and so will your friends.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Hamburger Face
No more trying to play cool on my bike after I've had a few. Went over the handle bars and broke the fall with my face. Knocked myself completely unconscious in the middle of the street. An ambulance came. I think my pride hurts the most.
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